I expect to have this diamond recovery put to bed by the weekend.
John Wayne in The Fighting Leathernecks, right?
Let's hear your offer.
I'm authorized to offer you 500,000.
1 million.
Wronko! Scott!
Split the recovery fee with us.
The only thing we're gonna split is your lip.
Will you watch the road, Wronko?
He's one of the clowns from the ransom meet. He's got a shotgun.
Sideswipe him! Whack him!
The tire blew. They're gonna kill us.
(PHONE RINGING)
ROCKFORD ON ANSWERING MACHINE: This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone, leave your name and message.
I'll get back to you.
(BEEPS)
Jim, it's Grace at the bank.
I checked your Christmas Club account. You don't have $500. You have $50.
Sorry, computer foul-up.
You said no police, you got no police.
What is this?
If it's a set-up, they can leave in either direction.
Right.
Now which one of you did I speak to on the phone?
Me. I'm Steven Kalifer.
This is James Rockford. A private investigator.
He works for us as a consultant on things like this. Logistics...
Here's how it lays out. We boosted it, you want it.
We might sell it back to you.
You said that much on the phone!
You wanna sell it back because you're a couple of Eagle Scouts.
You couldn't fence it, correct?
So now you're stuck with a $2 million conversation piece?
I guess there was a lot of conversation
when you found out you couldn't unload it.
We could always sell it to a private collector.
In fact, we have a meet pending in Marseilles
with a dude from Thailand any time we want it.
Only who wants the Borlund diamond in their jockey shorts
when they go through French customs?
All right. All right. We all know why we're here. So let's hear your offer.
I'm authorized to offer you, on behalf of Boston Fire and Casualty,
a total cash outlay, at this time, for return of the Borlund diamond
of $300,000.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Take the bus home.
Okay, hold it.
My company told me to start at 3, I told them it was silly.
How much? 500,000.
1 million. 850.
We all know the stone was appraised at the end of fiscal '76 for $2 million.
That's how much you're gonna have to plunk down in Mr. Borlund's hand
if you have to pay the claim and you can't recover it.
So stop offering us baseball cards and be businesslike.
Otherwise, we're going home. 1 million.
Thank you. Now you stay by the phone all day tomorrow.
You'll get a call to tell you the when and the where of the exchange.
There won't be any exchange under those conditions.
Excuse me, Mr. Rockford, thank you,
but I hardly think that this is the appropriate time for you to...
Do you really think that Jean Claude Killy and his sister here
actually took the Borlund diamond?
Why else would they be here, for the love of Mike?
Well, they could have read about it.
You know, maybe they're just a couple of yom-yoms
with a fast line of patter and their daddy's shotgun.
Oh.
We walk into the exchange with a million dollars
and walk out with nothing but goose eggs.
We're the ones that pulled the job. Fine.
All we want is you pick the time, we pick the place.
You still have the element of surprise on your side.
Okay.
And the thing that makes this work for us is no guns.
Tomorrow we all strip down in slacks and T-shirts.
Leave the toys at home.
Unacceptable.
Then goodbye. I'm going to call for a tow truck.
It's too hot to change tires. You do whatever you want.
Rockford! Rockford, you're in the final stages of negotiations!
Hey! Okay, no guns!
And we do abide by the dress code, right?
You still take the bus home. Yeah.
"O-3-2-P-C-E. O-3-2-P-C-E."
Those vehicles were either rented or they're hot, Mr. Kalifer.
If they were rented, you better believe everybody use stage names.
Oh.
Well the taller one was wearing Florsheims, did you notice that?
No, not really.
One would think that the retainer we've got you under
would at least buy us some powers of observation.
Here's my point, we get the police to draw up a list
of everyone who bought Florsheim shoes in the past few months.
Then have them check out the names on the list.
Is that a nationwide list, a California list, or a Southern California list?
You mocking me, Rockford? No, I think it's a dandy idea.
If I were you I'd go to the police with it right now.
I intend to.
It's your brother.
Did you tell that bimbo cocktail waitress we were gonna rent a car here?
Yeah, but Debbie's a class squeeze. She wouldn't say nothing.
You cretin.
Is it just Lou or is he there too?
I don't know. I didn't see him.
But he must be upstairs checking the rental desk.
We run for it. Go.
Ginger! The stairs!
He's locked the bloody door! We've lost him!
Get him in the car!
I think Mike's dead.
Get him in the car. Move!
ROCKFORD: A beautiful thing, isn't it?
Just a lump of coal really
but it becomes something different right in front of your eyes.
A giant pain in the tush is what it becomes in front of my eyes.
One thing bothers me.
Don't keep me in suspense.
There were two men out by the dam.
To get into the Borlund Museum for this stone,
seems to me that's more than a two-man job.
They have a weight-sensitive floor,
a Verns and Dyer ultrasonic, right?
I wonder where the others were today?
Others? Not likely and certainly not relevant.
At this point in time,
I just want to get the stone back and save the company 1 mil.
I'd say that's the meeting, wouldn't you? We reconnoiter here at 0800?
What's the matter, Kalifer?
I mean this warmth of yours is just rolling over me in waves.
I won't beat around the bush, mister.
Mr. Rockford.
I'm a lieutenant colonel in the National Guard
and we have a word for people like you.
I can't wait.
Lollygagger.
That was worth waiting for.
I don't feel, with your prison record, that you belong in an offensive like this.
I feel you're the soft underbelly
in our counter-offensive against these thieves,
and what's more, I think the only reason you're here is because
of the personal amity between you and Mr. Soriano, who is my superior.
I'll tell you something, Colonel. Ted Soriano and I are good friends.
But the only reason I'm here is because it's in my retainer contract.
I'm stuck with you.
I'm not out to win a popularity contest, just to get the job done.
John Wayne in The Fighting Leathernecks, right?
I expect to have this diamond recovery put to bed by the weekend.
And be completely free for my Guard's battalion's
amphibious operation at Marina Del Rey.
And Lord help the man who fouls that up.
Marina Del Rey? An absolute blood bath.
Let me guess, the beach is being held by
a brigade of airline stewardesses in mid-engine Porsches?
Someday when the social order has broken down
and the Guard is the last line of defense
between you and a bunch of screaming welfare animals, you won't think it's so silly.
Sure I will. I'm just a silly guy.
(OUTBOARD MOTOR RUNNING)
He's got this thing all bollocksed up.
He doesn't know the value of a dollar.
Hi, neighbor! Carl Wronko, Peru, Indiana.
Jim Rockford, from right here.
It's 6:15 in the morning, you know.
What do you think you're doing with this motor?
Flushing the tubes.
I'm talking about the noise. This is a residential area.
Oh, is it now?
But our AAA map says this is a public beach.
All California beach is public beach. This is a residential area.
Can't you see the homes?
You got something there.
It's all public beach? Boy, this California,
classless society.
Back east, boy, if you've got the loot, you own the beach.
The motor? Please?
(MOTOR STOPPING)
Dot. This is my wife, Dot.
This is Jim Rockford. He lives here.
Hi.
(TV BLARING)
Shareen, you don't watch TV at 6:15 in the morning.
Now you turn that off
and bring those eggs and steak here this minute!
SHAREEN: Wow! What a drag.
Rockford. Rockford. There's a town in Illinois named Rockford.
My sister lives there and her husband's name is Jim. Isn't that interesting?
Not Rockford, of course, his name's Paciak.
Uh, how long you folks plan on staying?
I don't know. That's the good thing about an RV.
Yeah.
You know that old Frankie Laine, "My heart goes where the wild goose goes"?
Well, that's the RV life, if you ask me.
Look I got in about 2:00 in the morning,
so if you're planning to camp here,
just remember there's a noise ordinance till 7:00 a.m.
When's breakfast, Ma?
Jim, this is my son, Sean!
Sean, say hello to Jim Rockford. He lives here.
Don't just nod! Now walk over and say a proper hello,
shake his hand.
Hello.
I didn't see you folks when I pulled in last night.
We rolled in kind of late ourselves. We missed our ETA by...
What was it, Nav? Sean's our official navigator.
He likes to help his dad.
I don't know.
Sure you do.
I taught you how to figure out that ETA.
You spot yourself on the map, then you divide the distance by rate?
I don't know, Dad.
Is there any sites of interest us Peruvians ought to see while we are in the area?
Oh yeah. Up north of here, there's Trancas.
That's the place to be if you like beaches.
This is overcast most days. Fog comes in 9:00, 9:30,
every morning. You can depend on it.
Look, I plan to get a little more shut-eye,
so maybe I'll get to say goodbye before you go.
Mr. Rockford, our bathroom's broken.
Do you think Shareen could use yours?
Sure.
Thank you very much. Now you go on, young lady, and you spray everywhere.
And you take that war paint off, young lady.
We're not going to argue about that all day again.
On the phone they said this site was all right with them.
They said they were already here. I don't like the smell. Let's go.
(PHONE RINGING)
Don't leave the money in the car.
Yeah?
Look behind you and you'll see a yellow car parked under the tree.
Get in it and drive south, turn into the amusement park.
No deal. We agreed to meet right here at the rest stop.
The land is wide open and everything's safe.
You decide. You've got two minutes.
They're changing the dance steps on us.
They want us to get in that car and drive south to the amusement park.
But that's not... They said...
What is this? A whoopee cushion.
My advice is we pass. Right now.
Well, I'm not at all certain that I agree with that.
You checked this whole stretch of country out
when you selected it as the exchange site.
It's all level terrain with good visibility.
I don't see how we could get hurt. I get paid as a consultant.
We have just consulted. You do what you want.
Just as I suspected. A nervous Nellie.
Don't think I need you, mister. Just shut up and go, will you?
Why the change in plans?
I got certain problems of my own which don't concern you.
Where's your partner?
He's watching us right now, through a scoped rifle,
just to make sure you don't get frisky.
I don't think so. I think you're working alone.
Stop flapping your chops and show me the money.
Now, let's see the diamond.
I don't have it with me. It's in the ashes of Rockford's barbecue.
Okay, Kalifer, let's go. Come on.
It's the truth. I put it in the ashes of your barbecue,
which is yellow, and sits to the left of the stairs in front of your trailer.
Hey, what is this?
I got into some difficulties last night and I had to make some changes.
So I found your address in the phone book.
I had to build some more fail-safes into the exchange.
You are working alone. I didn't say that.
One of you stays with me while the other goes and checks out the barbecue.
When you've got the diamond, you call here.
My car's back there, I've got a car phone. Here's the number.
The guy that's here releases the money.
This is awful.
This is a complete deviation from what was agreed upon.
Come on. Come on. I'm frying my keester off.
This is a wool mask! Talk it over and decide.
What do you think? If he's alone... There's two of us.
We could trap him in a pincer movement and overrun him.
Hold it, Rommel. There may be another turkey in the straw with a 30.06.
I say we investigate his story.
Agreed. I'll stay with him, you go check out the barbecue.
Leave you with the million in cash? Is that what you're saying?
The diamond may or may not be in your barbecue.
But the cash is here now, and it was signed out in my name
and I'm accountable for it. I intend to stay with it.
Damn!
(PHONE RINGING)
Yeah. ROCKFORD: : Let me talk to Kalifer.
You talk to me. I said I want to talk to Kalifer.
Hello.
I don't want you to react at all, just listen carefully.
We're going to have to improvise because the barbecue grill is gone.
What? I said don't react! Just...
What's the problem?
I should warn you, mister. I'm a brown belt.
Kalifer?
What kind of barbecue is it, Rockford?
Is that relevant?
Complete reports are always relevant. Make? Model?
A Cook-Master 24-inch with adjustable grill.
Lieutenant Chapman, I demand that I and a team from Boston Fire and Casualty
be allowed to interrogate Mr. Rockford.
You demand? You and your associates, and I mean all of you,
participated in an illegal activity.
Conspiracy to withhold information on a felony,
conspiring with admitted felons.
Boston F&C wants a bust here. Of course we do.
But there have been times when the police have pursued that end
with an excess of zeal.
They've caught the malefactors and lost the stolen item.
So you pay a claim. That's why people hire you.
A childlike view of the insurance industry.
Lieutenant Chapman, Mr. Rockford is being harassed
because some criminal claims that the Borlund diamond
was in the ashes of his barbecue grill.
If there's any truth in that, Mr. Rockford has told you
that these people in a camper more than likely pilfered said barbecue.
Find them.
Let me tell you something, Miss.
If anyone was likely to get it in his head that he could pull a job
and walk off with a $2 million rock, it's you.
So for now, Becker, take him down and hold him 24 hours.
I approve of that stratagem, Lieutenant.
Do I care? You want my opinion?
Whether it was Rockford or some other crumb who took that diamond,
you're to blame for this spot you're in.
We also understand some citizen called in here with a suggestion
that we run down everybody with Florsheim shoes. Is that you?
Yes it was. And it might have worked.
It was ludicrous. But if you'd admitted that you were having tea and cake
with those crooks, we'd have dropped the net on the lot of you.
I can only assume from your highhanded tone
that General Catherwood did not call you.
He called. So, go home, Mr. Kalifer. And stay there.
He gets to go home and I get the clanger?
Wait a minute, Chapman. Let me take a stab at this.
You're in the National Guard, am I warm? Sure. I got to be.
This General, whoever he is, calls up from the pet shop he runs,
when he's not driving around in a paper mache tank,
then Colonel Blimp gets a slap on the wrist and a ride in a squad car.
Becker!
Lieutenant, if I may. Why don't I wait till...
You may not. Now do it.
Okay, Chapman, turn on the lights and the siren.
It'll give Stevie boy a thrill.
Ginger, where're you going? You're sure you don't want me to come?
You got it covered, huh, buddy?
Lou, don't let him dump me out on the road or nothing like that. Huh?
"Don't let him dump me on the road." After he tries to be so smart.
I'm sorry I double-crossed Ginger. I'm more sorry I double-crossed you though.
His own brother, he goes and shafts.
See, Donny told me.
Donny told me, Donny told me!
He goes and conspires with a wazoo named Donny Waugh.
What do these two animals do?
They sneak off with the diamond that all four of us worked so hard to steal.
They try to ace us out of the profits. And now, Donny Waugh,
he's gonna get the ransom and maybe the diamond too and we wind up with nothing,
and he comes to me and he goes, "Lou," he goes,
"Please, don't let Ginger dump me out on the road."
So how is it?
Actually, I think I feel better today.
What we heard on the police frequencies was right.
This James Rockford was arrested last night.
He's being released now. Hey, things are looking up.
This bloke you met with the insurance man,
are you sure his name's James Rockford?
Absolutely.
You'd better be.
Or I'm going to feed you to the circling birds, mate, to the circling birds.
I had to tap that emergency fund of yours for part of that bail money,
including the wad you keep behind the toaster.
That was going to buy me into the blackjack game at the Waveview Hotel.
Well now, that's some emergency.
I don't feel so bad is all I have to say.
All that hard-earned...
Dad, I'd love to debate gambling with you
but the Wronkos and their broncos could be halfway to Indiana
with my barbecue.
Oh, come on. This charge is never going to stick. Let it go.
Let the police find the Borlund diamond.
Dad, tell her what was on the answerphone.
That Boston Fire & Casualty canceled Jim's retainer contract.
Kalifer's cutting me to pieces just to cover his own flanks.
Those consulting fees mean a lot to me, Beth.
But those people in the camper could be anywhere.
Tell me about it. "My heart goes where the wild goose goes."
I always liked that song. Now that Frankie Laine,
there's a fella who sings like a real man.
Okay, folks, do you think you could take me over to the impound area
and I can get my car?
(IGNITION TURNING)
Don't flood it.
I'm not, I didn't even have my foot on the pedal.
You're flooding it.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Kid! That's right, you! Pick that clam shell up and put it in the garbage.
So, '63 Fuelly, dumped, big racing slicks.
So this chicano guy says to me, "Oh yeah?
"Well, we'll go back to Sunland
"and bring a bunch of our friends up here and party with you."
Hey Skip, excuse me. Listen, you were on duty yesterday.
You remember that road queen that was parked over there?
You wouldn't happen to know where they went?
Ladies?
She hit on you, too?
Who? Who? Shareen.
The little girl?
Was that a humongous little bod?
I'm making my morning patrol in the jeep and she's out there with these earphones.
I stop, warn her about the riptides, you know, and bam! She's coming on to me.
Yeah, terrible riptides. The bottom is littered with ships.
I take a half hour splitsky, you know, and I'm steering her toward the dugout
at the little league field for the coup de grace.
All of a sudden she starts having second thoughts.
Starts telling me about this headcase boyfriend back home.
They're punk rockers, she says.
This creep wears safety pins all over his clothes.
Well, Jim, I hate to see a nice girl going in that direction.
I know you do, Skip. I know all about your work with youth.
So I told her, "Hey, look, if you're a real punk
"then you don't have to be faithful to this guy.
"Punks aren't faithful to anybody." But it was still no go.
Words to live by. You're quite a guy, Skip.
Look, Skip, they stole my barbecue.
You wouldn't happen to know where they were headed next?
You know, Jim, I work hard here every day,
but never so hard that I don't have a little extra time for you.
Keeping an eye on that trailer,
telling people to watch out for your car when they pull out, stuff like that.
Do you ever remember me at Christmas time? Ever.
Slip me a few numbers or even a six pack?
I hope you understand where I'm coming from.
I mean, a lifeguard hasn't got all that many years in him.
After 35, the skin goes, you can't...
Where were they headed?
The old lady was all hot to see Solvang, and then maybe the Hearst Castle.
I'll tell you something, Skip. I remember you at Christmas time.
I just don't do anything about it.
What are you grousing about now, for heaven's sake?
I bust my brisket 50 weeks a year, so I can take them on a nice trip,
show them this big beautiful U.S. Of A. What happens?
It's like riding with a pair of Martians.
Oh, stop with the self pity. This trip was as much for you as for anyone.
Lord, will you look at that. Sure ain't nothing like that back in Peru.
Know what it reminds me of?
Japan, north of Yokohama.
When I was in the Navy. Just me and Johnny Alteri and Bill Bushing
and a case of the best beer I ever drank. Japanese beer. A picnic.
I was what? 20?
Boy, there was some sunset that day.
Did I tell you? I ran into Bill Bushing in Columbus last year,
wears orthopedic shoes. Sells them.
I asked each one of you to bring out one plastic bag of garbage.
Now, Sean, where is yours?
Sean, crumple those Dixie cups and put them in the bag, too.
And that T-shirt you ruined in San Clemente.
A rubber band from someone's braces is on the floor!
Where, Mother?
Where's the windshield spray?
Who packed away the barbecue with the ashes still in it?
This is one fine mess in this compartment! Now, who did it?
This barbecue didn't walk in here on its own legs
and climb into this compartment by itself!
You better tell him, Sean.
I wanna make my long-distance call to Joey and I'm not gonna get blamed for this.
You were yelling to hurry up when we left Malibu, Dad.
She was supposed to help me clean up the stuff but she wouldn't!
Oh, wow, what a liar!
The slam-bang king!
You couldn't take two seconds to empty the swill out of that grill.
Wasn't even our barbecue.
He took that man's, Daddy. The man in the trailer.
I was hurrying so much I busted another leg off our grill.
You were already so ticked off because I forgot to flush the tubes of the outboard.
You got no sense of the value of a dollar!
I saw his barbecue and...
In other words, you stole that man's barbecue!
That's what you're saying? You stole the man's barbecue?
Well, too late now. We'd better get going.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Afternoon. Do you know the gentleman that lives in that mobile home?
Do you know where we might find him then?
He's a PI and people are always looking for him on business.
And I get a little drug being a free information bureau.
I need to see some bodacious bread.
May I come up, son? Why?
Do you know what I think? No.
I think that's a bloody sad commentary, that. What is?
Solvang! He went to Solvang!
And then maybe to Hearst Castle.
We're not natives, mate. What is this Solvang?
It's this place up the coast, like a little Denmark.
They wear wooden shoes and sell butter cookies.
You won't miss it if you watch for the signs.
What would Mr. Rockford be doing in this little Denmark, son?
He's looking for this family in a camper. The Wronkos.
They got a CB and all kinds of boats and bikes and stuff.
They're from Peru, Indiana, and they lifted his barbecue.
He seemed real upset only I don't know why.
Taking this artillery position depends on Alpha Team
spearheading the assault from the east.
Their mechanized units can deliver quite a wallop.
But a lot of those men have long hair. One of them is even a beautician.
The General will blow a cork if his troops are outdistanced by those people.
Kalifer, sir? I'm Jones. I phoned your office at Boston Life and Casualty
and they said I might find you here.
An insurance problem has come up.
What? We're having an invasion here.
I am sorry, sir. It's about the Borlund diamond.
New information has come to light.
Oh, yes. Major, would you excuse us, please?
Thank you so much. It won't take but a moment.
No shouting now, Colonel, you understand?
I don't want the blokes outside with guns upset.
No. No trouble, please. None of us has firing pins.
At ease.
(COUGHING)
Are you quite finished?
Now then, Colonel, we understand Mr. Rockford has gone up the coast
after a family in a camper. Why would he do that?
Well, he...
He claims this Wronko family took his barbecue with the diamond in it.
We head for Solvang.
Just head up there? That's a big area.
Mike, what do you think?
Huh? I feel better. Thanks.
That's good, Mike. That's good.
Ginger, there's hundreds of camper parks between here and Solvang.
It's like finding a needle in a haystack.
There is no simple way. None.
Breaker, breaker, this is Big 500
calling any and all Hoosiers out there.
Breaker, breaker, this is the Big 500
calling any RVers from the great and sovereign state of Indiana, come on.
Ten-four, Big 500: This is Sal Intili in the Dago Winnebago out of Terre Haute.
What's your 20? Indianapolis.
Hey, Sal, you wouldn't happened to have seen
Carl and Dot Wronko out of Peru, anywhere have you, come on?
Negatory, good buddy. Haven't seen any Incas.
Well, Sal, we plan to have a big reunion and jamboree
of all Indiana RVers out there on the Pacific Coast Highway this weekend.
We're gonna meet at San Simeon campground, at high noon tomorrow. Come on.
Sounds like a possible, Big 500: What's gonna go on? Light beer or what?
For sure, beer and this and that.
Maybe bike races, dream about the moonlight on the Wabash.
That's a big ten-four. We'll sure be there.
I'm glad to hear it, Sal. Pass the word on now.
Especially if you see Carl and Dot Wronko. This is Big 500 out.
Ten-four. Terre Haute out.
Breaker, breaker, this is the Big 500 calling any Ionely Hoosiers
out there on the the Pacific Coast. Come on.
(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)
It sure would be nice to actually water-ski
instead of just listening to the motor all the time.
Got to get it running right.
ROCKFORD ON CB: Calling all Hoosiers...
It's a fetish with you.
...invite you to our big reunion at San Simeon campground.
What'd he say?
Never mind, it's not worth talking about.
Not you! That guy on the CB!
Calling any Hoosiers out there, we want to invite you
to our big reunion at San Simeon campground, high noon today. Come on.
Hey good buddy, you say you're a fellow Hoosier, did you?
Ten-four, this is Big 500 out of the Brickyard, who've I got?
This is the Queen of Peru, Big 500.
Hey, all right. All right. Where you now, Queen of Peru? Come on.
Up here looking at one of the prettiest views you ever saw west of Indiana dunes!
Hey, what's this about a reunion, come on?
Yeah, sure, the reunion. Where are you exactly, Queen of Peru?
We'd sure like to yak with our fellow Hoosiers.
Hey, great. Where are you now, Queen of Peru?
Tuna Canyon campground, Big 500. We could bring some potato salad.
My better half makes one, knocks these store-bought deals into a cocked hat.
Yeah, potato salad. Sounds great. Out.
Hey! Little Wronko. Wronko! Scott! Come here.
Hold it. Hold it. Hey, Scott.
It's Sean. Yeah, all right. I'm sorry. Sean.
Hey, son.
No need to be upset. Where's your dad, huh?
GINGER: There's a camper park just ahead, off the main highway.
LOU: What, another one?
The boy made an honest mistake. He confused your barbecue with ours.
I told him, Dad. I told him it was a rip off.
Look. Mr. Wronko, where is the barbecue?
I'm glad, son, I'm glad. Face the music like a man.
You put your dad in a hell of a spot trying to cover for you.
Don't put it all on Seany, Carl.
You liked Mr. Rockford's barbecue better than ours. You said so.
Let's not worry about that, folks?
Where is the barbecue? You didn't clean it out, did you?
Sure we did. That thing was really greasy.
Where? Where are the ashes?
Back a ways. Why?
Carl, don't be a but-insky.
It was somewhere between here and Malibu. Halfway maybe.
I couldn't say exactly where. I'd have to show you.
Okay, let's go. Whoa, wait a minute. This is our last weekend.
I'm due at the office in five days.
You're talking about me going back with you some 100 or so miles?
That'll eat up this whole day, ruin our ETA for Hearst Castle.
Wronko, you stole my barbecue!
Don't tell me about your inconveniences.
You can have your barbecue.
Now about those ashes, well, I'm just as sorry as hell.
But before I go through a whole a lot of gas,
I wanna know why. Sure sounds a little suspect to me.
Wronko, if I were you, I'd send my family away,
because I've been more than patient with you.
Now you get your tail down that road,
or you're gonna spend the rest of your vacation in a body cast.
LOU: Maybe we should stop and get something to eat. GINGER: No time.
The Borlund diamond?
I saw a picture of that once in the Peru Times-Mirror. It's incredible.
That's right. You dumped it somewhere on Highway One with your steak bones.
Now, let's shake it.
I'm not going back with you, Rockford, unless you agree to
split the recovery fee with us.
Wronko, I'm afraid you've logged too many hours in your oil drum.
Now see, I'm in the insurance business myself,
and I know which way the wind blows.
You probably sell life insurance to farmers.
I'm talking about a world renowned diamond.
I sell life insurance. Sure. I made the Million Dollar Club last year.
But I also do a little fire and theft.
I wrote a policy on all the band instruments at Peru High. $17,000.
Trombones or diamonds, the principles are the same.
Companies pay to get things back.
I'm through playing with you. You stole from me.
The only thing we're gonna split is your lip.
You don't have to take that from this guy. Belt him one!
You're right, son, thank you.
But I know that, so just be quiet, please?
(CRASHING)
What happened? Look at the wheels.
Ah, I was backing out and my youngest was supposed to be guiding me.
Well, he don't judge distances too good, that boy. I'm sure sorry.
I'll drive you down the coast.
But you're going to have to rethink your attitude on the recovery fee.
Move that thing out of there.
Some Jell-O mold? No. Thanks.
She's running real smooth, huh, Dad? Sure is, Son.
You stop sulking, young lady.
Three weeks I've been waiting for you to let me call Joey long distance!
Then I get interrupted because of this stupid diamond.
Joey Pellegrino can sure as hell wait.
His name's not Joey Pellegrino! I keep telling you it's Joey Sick.
He's sick all right.
Will you watch the road, Wronko?
I don't want to miss your dumping ground.
Up on the left here, about another mile. There's another campground.
Seems like we've been to 100 of them already.
37.
Ginger! That camper that just passed. It had Indiana plates!
And it said Peru on it. I seen it!
Well, use your loaf! Turn around!
(HORN HONKING)
Fella wants me to pull over.
Guess he thinks he owns the road.
Pull over. Pull over.
Okay, buddy! Come on!
Hey! That guy at the back. It's one of the clowns from the ransom meeting!
He's got a shotgun! Sideswipe them. Go ahead!
Sideswipe him! Whack him!
(HORN BLARING)
Drop back. I'll go for the tire.
SHAREEN: Daddy! Daddy!
Daddy!
I can't handle her with a tire blown!
They're gonna kill us! They're gonna kill us all!
Stop screaming and concentrate on driving!
Daddy, I'm scared now.
Wronko, try to ram them!
You all right?
There's a guy in here who's shot. Pretty bad, I think.
Take care of it.
All right, come on out.
Don't anybody get me irritated at this point, all right?
Somebody call the Highway Patrol!
It's all right, Contessa, it's all right.
How bad is it? He'll be okay.
I told you not to cut the wheel, didn't I?
Uh-huh. Right. I see.
Uh-huh. Certainly.
Boston F&C has made its determination.
You were correct, Mr. Wronko. The company has elected to pay a recovery fee.
Five-tenths of one percent.
What'd I tell you, Dottie! What'd I tell you! Five-tenths of one percent.
Let's see, that's...
$15,000.
Right. Right.
Split 50-50, that's $7,500 for us.
Mr. Wronko, the insurance agency you work for...
Ed Poe and Associates, Peru, Indiana?
They handle Boston Fire and Casualty auto policies, is that right?
Among others. But they're the best. Why?
Well, let me read to you from the company's 1962 directives, title C, paragraph 14.
"No employee of Boston Fire and Casualty Company or of any of its affiliates
"may be eligible for any bonus attendant upon the recovery of stolen items,
"beyond the regular salary paid that employee
"should his primary area of responsibility be the recovery of said items."
Huh? I'm sorry.
But they found the guy that took the million.
The company's not out of one thin dime!
I know how you must feel. It just doesn't seem right.
I mean you played a part in the recovery of that diamond,
you should be compensated for the part you played.
I'll tell you what you do. You keep the barbecue.
It's all right. She's all yours.
I'll throw in a can of lighter fluid and a half a bag of those briquettes outside.
What do you say to that?
I think we've said about all we have to say to each other.
I guess we have. You have a nice cook-out, now.
Dad, I've figured out our ETA to Barstow.
We should be there by 10:00, 10:15 at the latest.
There's no need to yell. Where's your sister?
She went up the road to the little league field with that lifeguard guy.
Well, thank the Lord for small favors.
He seemed like a nice boy anyway.
We'll stop for her.
Now, you all have a nice trip.
Look, Rockford... I... Well, I went off half-cocked.
I jumped the gun.
I...
You're sorry?
Right.
(CRASHING)
Oh brother, would you look at that!
It's sheared, huh, Dad?
Well of course it's sheared! I can see that, can't I?
We're looking at a $300 repair bill, Dot!
We're going to have to bivouac here another couple of days.
Go ask Rockford if we can use his phone.